Hello Everyone!
That sounds so odd. I
can’t believe I haven’t posted on here since June. But it’s true. Things have been going completely up and down
for me over the last few months, and I have not been myself. I am now slowly but surely beginning to heal,
but it has been an incredibly slow process.
Just as Finnick says in Mockingjay, “It takes ten times as long to put
yourself back together as it does to fall apart.” I can’t even begin to tell you how true this
is.
I honestly don’t even know what or where to start. Over the past few months, I have been
suffering from severe anxiety, which has caused depression. There.
I said it. While I am not
necessarily “ashamed” or “embarrassed” that I am dealing with these issues, it
can definitely be difficult to discuss with people who have never dealt with
them personally. And I am going to come
out right now and say, that many people “coming out” lately in the YouTube and
online community saying that they have similar issues really has given me the
positive encouragement that I needed to keep pushing myself, and also, to open
up here. Really, they’re helped me start
to become myself again. So THANK YOU.
There have been some events that have played an impact on my
overall well-being, but in most ways, small things have just built up over time
to make feel the way I do today. My
physical health is not the greatest. I
have been getting persistent migraines for several years now (I essentially get
them every day), and have tried multiple medications to control them, as well
as recently tried Botox injections. I
have been having stomach issues that have caused me to lose weight because I
have an extremely difficult time eating, and essentially never have an appetite
anymore. In the beginning of August, I
also had bilateral knee surgery to fix meniscus tears that I had.
But one of the hardest things that has happened recently,
and what I would definitely consider to be the worst night of my life, is the
night my dog Charlie passed away. Charlie
was my first pet, so this is an entirely new feeling to me. It has been two months now. Charlie was an older dog and was sick, so
while I “knew” he wasn’t going to live forever, the “way” everything played out
was so traumatic it still haunts me.
Charlie was my baby, my guy.
Charlie was my Christmas present when I was a junior at JMU, and I got
him specifically to help with my anxiety.
I still think I hear him sometimes during the day, still do “poop
checks” behind the chair where he used to go in the house, still think he’s in
his bed in my room in the middle of the night.
But while losing his has been unbelievably heartbreaking and impossible,
it also has been somewhat of a wake-up call.
I could go on and on about all of the bad things that have
happened just over the past few months, but I’m not going to. There has also been a lot of good. Like the fact that my family finally sold our
house and we have now moved. And there
is so much more. But my brain has been
clouded.
Despite all of the good and bad that has happened over the
last few months, there has not been a day where I haven’t thought about
blogging or making videos. I am
constantly thinking of new ideas and planning things out in my head. And while sharing all of this with you has
been incredibly difficult to do, I feel a weight being lifted off of my
shoulders, and feel more like myself again.
I hope you all have been having stress-free lives these past
months, and I look forward to posting more soon! If you have any ideas or things you would
like to see, leave them in the comments below!
There are lots of exciting things coming up in the next few weeks (including
blog construction!), so I’ll have lots to share with you in blog posts and
videos!
Until Next Time, Happy Reading!
Allison
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